Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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