I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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