Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
