She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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