Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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