We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
