Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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