My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
