He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
