If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
