Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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