everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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