I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
