fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
