Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
