As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
did i just pee glitter
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
