If i come over, it means nothing
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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