so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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