He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
