yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
