So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
