you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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