you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
