I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
