hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
