You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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