he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
