Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
As shirtless as possible
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
