took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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