apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
PANTIES FOUND
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