Buhtt sex?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
