Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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