Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
