I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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