Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
