i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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