I can text with my tongue
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
