I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
