I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
