I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
