We're like a lot better than the average bears
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
