Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
