did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
