Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
