I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
