We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
