I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
