I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
worst night to have a conscience
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
