She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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