Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
