did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i wish my penis had a tongue
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
