Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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