so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
