Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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